Sometimes I can go weeks, even months at a time without really thinking about it. But then it catches me, thinking up lesson plans for my non-existant class. Craft ideas for the season to do with my first graders, math activities, books to read aloud....It is weird how it catches me off guard.
Tonight I was playing around looking for activities to do with Madeline. After Thanksgiving we are going to do the letter M and then S. If I get two letters done with the holiday craziness before Christmas I will be thrilled. But anyway, I was looking for activities to do with her. And it suddenly hit me how much I miss lesson planning and creating activities to help the kids learn. Heck, I even miss the report cards sometimes.
I have to remind myself of the two (soon to be three) major reasons I don't teach right now. For me teaching will always be there. I may not be able to go back to the school I loved (especially since it closed...) or even my first graders when I do eventually teach again but I will get to teach again. My reasons for leaving won't always be little toddlers (and there are days I thank the Lord for that!). For me teaching would have taken me away from them. It would have made my life much more stressful (as if it isn't already) balancing work full time and home. And if I had continued teaching I most likely would not have had a third child.
Even with all my reasons for staying home (and loving it a good 97% of the time) there are still days when I miss my first graders, my lesson planning, my activity searches and even just talking with the other teachers at lunch. It was a different life before kids. I catch myself daydreaming somedays about dropping the kids off at a daycare or leaving them at home with Jon and going to work...And then Madeline hits Owen and I am back off running with no time for daydreaming.
For now I satisfy my need to teach with Madeline's preK lessons. And my bulletin boards for the local children's museums. It isn't the same, but it is fun and it fills the need.
I am happy with my life. I am happy with the decisions Jon and I have made. It works for us.
And one day I am sure I will look back and long for these days while I sit with my students and try yet again to teach them how to write the letters in their names!