Happy Update

In my last post I was devastated. I was waiting for confirmation on what I believed to be was a miscarriage.
Then this past Monday I got amazing news. Based on my blood work I am in fact pregnant.
This was confirmed by an ultrasound on Tuesday where we saw the heartbeat and the little bean!
I am still in shock at this new development. Jon and I are thrilled and are now looking at minivans to purchase for our soon to be larger family.

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. They were appreciated.

Green Eyed Monster

Let me start out by stating that I love my life. It isn't perfect and that is okay. Perfect is kind of boring. Jon and I work hard to make our life the way we want it to be. We choose for me to be a stay at home mom. And that choice involves making choices about where and how we spend our money a little more carefully. And I am okay with that.


Most of the time.


Now and again I get bit by that green eyed monster. I get the "gimmees" as I call them when my kids ask for things. I want more than I have. I don't like that part of myself, but it is there.


I have been hearing about the upcoming vacations of friends. This past summer I was emailed about going on a Disney Cruise with some friends next September,a family trip. We had to say no. Last week when I was reading Facebook an acquaintance posted about planning her upcoming trip to Disney. Than this week a good friend wrote about planning her spring trip to Disney World.


I started to get jealous. I want to go to Disney World. I want my kids to have fun there and meet Mickey Mouse and the other characters. I want Jon and I to have a fun vacation with the kids. But we can't afford it. And right now that is bothering me.


But at the same time how can I complain? We CHOOSE for me to stay at home. We CHOOSE to live on one income. We CHOOSE to save rather than spend so we can stay out of debt. And we CHOOSE not to go on vacations so we can save money.


Jon and I could make different choices. I could go back to work full time. We could spend money and use credit cards and go into debt. We could decide not to move or buy a minivan and use that money to go on a vacation with the kids.


I don't like those choices. We want to move to a bigger house in a nicer town. We want to continue to manage our money well and stay out of debt. We want me to be at home with our kids. If forgoing a Disney (or other large) vacation is the choice we need to make for that to happen, then that is the way it will be. Yes I wish I could have both. But I also want a happy husband, and he is happy teaching his eighth graders about science. And we are both happy with me being at home with the kids. So we live on a teacher's salary. And we make choices that allow us to continue to do that.





I just remember that saying, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

I am not perfect

Anyone surprised? I didn't think so.
The nice thing about this blog is that I can control what you know about me. And that is nice, because I have many many less than perfect moments. More than I would like to admit. But after reading Colleen's and Aimee's confessions about some of their real mom moments I decided to admit my less than stellar moments.

1. When Ben is fussy and I can't figure out what he wants I am frustrated with him. I can often be heard at these times telling him to just learn to speak already. Yup, that is me getting mad at a 16 month old for not being able to clearly tell me his wants and needs.

2. I don't cook breakfast. Ever. My kids eat cereal, yogurt, or toast every day. I am okay with that.

3. You know those vitamins they doctor says you kids need to take each day? A 3 month supply usually lasts us closer to 8 or 9 months. But my kids are fairly healthy so I guess I am doing okay?

4. Madeline has told me several times that her stomach hurts in the morning. My response?"Eat breakfast and you will be fine. You are going to school." How is that for a sympathetic mom?

5. Poor Ben is getting the most relaxed mom of my three kids. This can be a good thing but isn't always. Like yesterday when the boys were in the playroom and I was in the kitchen. Ben started crying. I simply yelled "Owen stop making Ben cry or you are out of the playroom." But did I stop to see what the actual problem was? Nope. In my defense Ben did stop crying as soon as I yelled at Owen.

6. At dinner time one of my standby lines is "Mommy is not a short order cook. You get what you get and you either eat it or you don't." There have been occasions where my kids went to bed without eating. I promise it doesn't happen often.

7. When my kids won't help me clean up after a meal and they ask to play my response usually is, "Mommy has to clean. Since no one wants to help me it will take me longer to do and I can't play with you until it is done. " Yup, mom of the year moment right there- telling my kid that cleaning is more important than playing with them.

8. My kids eat chicken nuggets or macaroni and cheese at least one night a week for dinner, sometimes twice.

9. Ben was playing around today, swatting at the book I was holding. He hit it hard and it hit my nose. Somehow they always manage to hit my nose and it hurts! I got mad and yelled "No!" at him. He started crying. I am supposed to be the adult and I yelled at my 16 month old for accidentally hitting me.


Anyone else want to confess?

WFMW

This week is my first official week of doing preK3 at home with Owen. When I did preK3 with Madeline we often ran into the problem of Owen (who was 1 at the time) making a mess of whatever activity Madeline was doing at the time. Sometimes it was fine and she didn't mind. Other times we could quickly distract him with another activity she had already completed that he could pretend to do. But many times it frustrated Madeline and make things a little harder than I wanted them to be. We worked around it, but some days were more difficult. Planning for this year I had a feeling I was in for the same battle this year with Ben being 1. I wanted to learn from the past and try to find a new solution. So I thought and thought and thought. In the past often a solution was to do the work at the kitchen table, but that gets tedious. And boring. Working in the morning while Ben naps works, but only if Ben actually takes a morning nap.



Then I remembered pocket charts. And I found my solution. I purchased a relatively inexpensive pocket chart off of Amazon. Jon brought home some great heavy-duty magnets to hang it with. And since the door to our playroom is metal it works well. I can work with Owen while Ben plays in the playroom and everyone is happy.

Owen loves the pocket chart. We can move it high enough so Ben can't reach the materials in the pockets. I can take it down each day if I want, or we can leave Owen's completed work for Jon to see when he gets home. Since the chart is hung by magnets I can raise and lower it to allow Owen access to the higher pockets and he can keep completed activities up if he wants to. As you can see our letter this week is A.

The best part is that since it hangs from a door it doesn't take up anymore room. And when you live in a small(er) house space is at a premium.

I am linking up with Works For Me Wednesday. I have seen posts about it around the blogs I read but I never feel like I have something to share, but this week is different! If you are stopping by from there please leave a comment. I love to visit new blogs!

Having it all

I see the phrase "having it all" everywhere these days. Sometimes it is "how does she do it all?" "I want it all." "You can have it all." or "How do we have it all?" Time and time again I read that the modern women can have it all. What does it all mean?

It seems like everyone is obsessed with having it all these days, and how hard it is to have it all. Most days I feel like I have it all, and it isn't all that hard. But maybe I define it differently than everyone else?

For me having it all is being at home with my kids and not having to work or put them in daycare. Having it all is living on a teacher's salary without going into debt. Having it all is having happy, healthy kids.

Having it all means a house that we can afford the mortgage on, healthy food on our plates, warm clothes on our backs and fuel for our house. And after all the necessities are paid for having it all means we can do some extras well.

Many would point out all the things I don't have and say I do not have "it all." But I disagree, having it all means having the ability to make the choices on how to live your life. We made the choice to live on one income and for me to stay at home. We made the choice to live in a smaller house and not take vacations. We made the choice to cut back even more this summer so that Jon could stay home and not teach summer school for one year. And in that case Jon and I do have it all.

Hand me downs

Today I was playing with Ben in our playroom (our converted garage) and he was sitting on an Elmo car. This Elmo car was purchased by Jon and I for Madeline for her first birthday. She is now five, so this car has seen a lot of love. It is a little dirty and doesn't work as well as it did when it was first purchased. But does Ben care? Not a bit.
In our house we love our hand me downs. I learned the value of these was Madeline was born and the girl clothes that my older niece had outgrown came flooding in, along with the outgrown clothes of the little girl I babysat for a time. We were new to one income and adjusting to my new part time income, as well as the cost associated with a new baby. The clothes were amazing. I did purchase clothes for Madeline, some I wanted for her and others I needed for her, but even then many of those clothes were second hand.
My kids don't care if they have hand me downs. They don't notice that a toy has been loved before. In fact some of Madeline's favorite dolls are the ones I played with as a child. Ben loves playing with Owen's toys. And Owen doesn't care that his last two winter coats have come from tag sales and second hand stores.
We know the difference between wants and needs in this house, to live on one income we have to. A need is winter coats and boots, in Massachusetts you can't make it through winter without these supplies. However, brand new coats and boots are a want. The coats we bought last year at our favorite second hand store looked brand new. And if we are find enough of our needed clothes at tag sales, and utilize hand me downs, there is more room in the budget for the wanted items (a second pair of boots for when the first is wet).
No one looks at my kids and knows off hand what is new and what is second hand. And even if they did, I honestly don't care. I brag about my tag sale finds. When I got Owen's fall coat for $2 at a tag sale, it was Gap corduroy and in almost new condition, I told everyone about it! I was excited and proud. New that coat would have cost...well I don't know what it would have cost because I don't buy Gap clothes new, they are not in our budget. Kids outgrow things very quickly. And I won't even mention how quickly my kids can ruin perfectly good clothes without meaning to. There is not a need to pay exorbitant prices for clothes simply for the name brand.
Living on one income means budgeting. My kids need clothes and they get them. Then there are clothes that they want and we try to find things they will like. But this can still be done without buying everything new. Owen loves toy story and I found a buzz lightyear shirt for $1, he was thrilled! Madeline's new obsession is Hello Kitty. Every time we head into Target she asks to look at the Hello Kitty clothes. Each time I check the prices, but $10 for a shirt is way too much. I found one for $3 second hand. Madeline told me I was the best mom ever. Ben can't talk, but he kept stealing his brother's and sister's Nalgene bottles so we bought him one using reward points that Jon earned through REI (this was not a second hand product, don't worry!).
All three kids have used the same stroller and the same car seat. (Ben will be the last to use the car seat as it will be too old if we have a fourth baby.) All three kids used the same baby saucer and baby swing. Our double jogger stroller, purchased when Owen was 1 for $25, is more popular with both Jon and I as well as with the kids than our sit and stand purchased brand new when Owen was a baby. There is nothing wrong with these items. There isn't a need for new items for each child. We chose gender neutral things because we knew we would use them for more than one child. And we planned ahead and saved the items we would need for other children.
Living on one income with three kids is not impossible. You don't need to go into debt to do it. It just takes creativity and planning. And storage space in your house (or the basement of a friendly relative) is helpful as well.

If I could see myself...

When I was fifteen I never thought about life after high school. I mean, I knew I wanted to go to college and I knew I wanted a degree in education. But I never really thought about it. And I certainly never thought about kids and being married.

Even when I was in college, after I met Jon, I never really thought about being married and having kids. I knew from very early on that Jon was it. He was the guy I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was right (I am a lot of the time) and five years after we started dating (almost to the day) we were married. But even then I didn't really think about having kids.

After we had been married a few months the baby bug bit. It bit me, but it didn't quite get Jon. I think he swatted it away. After we had been married a year the bug bit him and we started trying to get pregnant. but even then I didn't really think about what having a baby would be like. I knew I wanted it but it didn't truly click how much I would change when that child was born.

I have changed to much in the past few years. That is normal I think. But I think about myself at 15 and wonder if I would recognize me if my 15 year old self met my 31 year old self. Yes that was half a lifetime ago. And I wouldn't want to be like a teenager now. But there are some things I never expected to want.

For example, even four years ago I never thought about the food I ate. I tried to by healthy but I didn't think past that. I didn't think about pesticides, or hormones, or preservatives. I bought prepackaged, frozen meals and used them often. But now I think about them a lot. Being a mom has really opened my eyes to what we eat.

Five years ago I never thought about my budget. Jon and I have always been savers. We never bought things we can't afford. But we also never thought about how much we wanted to spend at the grocery store, or ways to save there. Being a stay at home mom and wanting to remain that way (while staying out of debt!) has opened my eyes to coupons, budgets, cooking from scratch, meal planning (that was not even in my vocabulary a few years ago) and other money saving strategies. Having my own garden and actually working on it to make it successful is something new to me as well.

When Jon and I first got married none of those topics was in my radar. I know I didn't think about diapers before I was pregnant with Madeline. But if I had I am fairly certain the term "cloth diaper" would not have been one I would have used. And forget "cloth wipes." I don't even know what made me think about cloth diapers at all. But five years later I am very happy to use them.

And homeschooling? Nothing I ever thought I would consider! When I was teaching I thought homeschooling moms were a bit nuts (no offense to any homeschooling moms!). I didn't know anything about it other than their kids MUST be antisocial. I was very wrong. And I just spend a few months teaching myself about the topic. It isn't the avenue we will be pursuing but I see how it can work for many, many families.

Five years ago I didn't think about vaccines. If the doctor recommended it then my daughter got it. I don't know what opened my eyes to that topic, but since reading The Vaccine Book, Jon and I have had several discussions and approach vaccines in a much different way with our children.

Seven years ago I didn't think I would still be in this house. This was supposed to be our 3 to 5 year house. Seven years later, and three kids later, we are still here for the foreseeable future. I didn't think how living on one income would effect our plans to move. We are happy in our house, I love my little house and my yard and my neighborhood. But I would like to move to a town with better schools before Madeline gets to middle school.

I NEVER thought I would even consider having chickens. Now it is something I would really like. However with a border collie for a pet we would need a much bigger yard to have chickens. So that plan will hold off. Maybe in our next house (that we will buy before Madeline gets to middle school I hope).

In some circles I would be considered crunchy (baby wearing, cloth diapers, sometimes co-sleeping, breast feeding, delay vaxing, etc) but in others I would be considered completely mainstream. I don't know what to call myself. I just do what works for my family. One thing I do know, if I saw myself now when I was 15 I would not have believed who I would become.

How do you do it?

I am often asked "How do you do it?" when I am out with the three kids by myself. And I never quite know what to say. I know it isn't the most common thing to have three kids under 5 (but it isn't really uncommon either), and I do look young for having three kids (I am often told I look to be in my early 20's) which I am sure catches people's attention. But I am caught off guard when people comment.
I mean how do I do it? I do it because I need to. Because things needs to be done (groceries, errands, playdates, occasional lunches out, etc). I go out with three kids because I don't want stay inside my house all the time. And it isn't really as hard as other people seem to think it is. There are days where things are much more difficult, but often those are the days we stay at home!
I could tell them it takes a little longer to get out of the house so I make sure to plan extra time. I could say I choose to go out when I am having a day with more patience because knowing my limits is part of being a mom. I know to make sure that I have plenty of diapers and wipes in my bag when I go out. I bring snacks with me because a hungry kid is definitely a cranky kid! I am careful about how long I am out because tired kids are also cranky kids. It is about trying very hard not to sweat the small stuff. For example sometimes my kids run down the aisle at the grocery store. With one kid I would have yelled automatically. With two (or more) kids I watch to make sure they don't get in the way of anyone and stay in the aisle, but other than that I let it go. Is it the choice all would make? Most likely not but my kids aren't hurting anyone and they are causing trouble, they are simply being kids.
I don't know exactly how to answer people when I am asked how I do it. Often it is followed by a comment about how they have a hard time with one (or two) out and about. Mostly it is a compliment and I try to take it that way. And I never turn down help when someone wants to hold a door or let me go first in line either!

How to save money- homemade baby food

Living on one income can sometimes be a challenge. We are lucky that we do not live paycheck to paycheck but part of that comes from being smart with our money. I am always looking for ways to stretch my dollar. We like to be able to go out to dinner once a month and we also like to try and set money aside for mini vacations (like Maine this summer) or family passes to local venues (the Paddle Club last summer and hopefully this summer again). In order to do that I need to make the most of each dollar we spend.

One way I do this is to make most of my own baby food. Babies don't eat that much in the beginning. I have breastfed all three of my children which keeps the cost for the first 4 to 6 months super low (just a few extra calories for me!) but eventually they need more than just breast milk.

When Madeline started eating baby food I decided I would make my own. I did go to the store and buy the baby cereal and while I was there I looked at the prices on the jars. I thought "Hmm, $1 for a pack of 2 containers of peaches. Not bad." Then I realized those two packages might be about 4 meals in the beginning but they would slowly become one meal each. And what happens when Madeline started eating more than 1 jar of food per meal? I started adding it up in my head and I realized that feeding her was going to add a lot more onto my grocery bill than I had originally thought if I chose to use the jars. This reinforced my decision to make most of my own baby food.

I do buy some jars, when it is on sale, to have for traveling or if I fall behind in my homemade stash. I pay at least $1 for what would amount to between 2- 4 meals. If I make it from home not only does my money go further but I know exactly what is in it. No extra preservatives when I cook!

With Madeline and Owen I kept it simple, I pureed vegetables and fruit that we had in the house and mixed them with store bought baby cereal or fed them plain. It worked and I never spent tons of money on the prepackaged stuff. I did buy the pureed meats because I just didn't think I could puree my own. Now I know better. But I still hate the smell of pureed meats so I simply waited until Ben had teeth before introducing meats to him.

With Ben I am getting a little more creative. I'm not sure why I am getting more creative as a I have less time but it is working! I found a great website called Wholesome Baby Food. This is the BEST baby food website ever. I even found a way to make my own baby cereal. I never knew how simple it was and I wish I had known about this for Owen and Madeline.

Today I was looking around the website and found a page that teaches how to make your own baby teething biscuits. This is something I am very excited to try. Both Madeline and Owen loved these and loved to make a mess with these. Ben is just starting to discover them and he also loves his crunchies and his puffs that are made by Gerber. We can get them for a decent price at BJ's. But when I found the recipe for Oats and "Naner Drops I knew I had to try them. I made a batch this afternoon and they were very very easy. Jon tried one and even he liked it. Jon liking a cookie made without sugar is not something that happens very often. I am hopeful that these cookies will be something that Madeline and Owen like as well.

This evening I set aside some time to make baby food for Ben. Jon was home and it was a good time for me to get this done. I set out to make two veggies and one fruit. All I needed was my steamer (which I love for all of my vegetables), my food processor (a blender works well also) and some ice cube trays. When I made Ben's food tonight I spent much less than I would have in the store. It took about an hour to make and clean up from everything. But in the end I have enough peas, carrots and peaches to last about a week for about $1.63. I used 1/2 a bag of frozen peas (50 cents), 1/3 bag of organic baby carrots (33 cents) and 1/3 a bag of frozen peaches (about 80 cents). If I had bought the prepackaged baby food it would have cost me about $7 and that is if I was able to buy it on sale. I put the pureed fruits and vegetables into ice cube trays to freeze over night. In the morning I will pop out the cubes and put them into freezer storage containers. At each meal I will take out one or two cubes and microwave them for about 25 seconds. And breakfast/lunch/dinner for Ben is done.


Ben is also starting to progress to finger foods. I have never bought a prepackaged meal of finger foods. That seems silly to me. I can very easily cut up whatever we are eating for dinner and feed it to Ben for much less than the cost of a prepackaged meal. The other night we had meatballs and pasta. Ben at some of the meatball cut up as well as some noodles. I don't know how much it cost but since most of my dinners cost less than $5 for four of us I know it was less than $1! For dinner tonight he ate some leftover chicken cut into bit sized pieces, small pieces of mozzarella cheese stick, pureed blueberries with yogurt, sweet potatoes, some Gerber crunchies and some crackers. He was a hungry boy at dinner.

It takes a few extra minutes to make my own baby food and with three kids extra time can be hard to find. One way I work around this is to cook the food in batches like I did today. For me the time is worth the money I save.

The Green Eyed Monster

I am jealous. It is hard to explain of what but I will try.

I am jealous of anyone who is certain of their choices in the number of children they have, whether it is none, 1, 19 or anything in between.

I am jealous because it is a decision I am struggling with.

I say I because Jon has made his opinion clear- he would love to have a fourth but he is completely happy with our three if I am set with three.

And that is where the problem lies-I am in charge of the ultimate decision. And I don't know what to do. I know what I want but I don't know what I can handle.

It might seem like a funny time to be thinking about babies. My youngest is only 8 months old. But this is when the baby fever starts to bite. It then takes me about 6 to 8 months to work up the courage to jump in with both feet.

I have never felt this undecided before. After Madeline it was a case of when, not if. After Owen I paused a little more, was a little scared because things with two were going so well. But then I knew and along came Ben.

Jon has always been more certain before I am, but I think the fact that he works during the day might factor in a little. That and he doesn't need to be pregnant for nine months. And he is MUCH more laid back than I am. He is a wonderful father but he and I have different personalities.

This time I am scared. Downright scared of my ability to have four children. I love my three babies. And they make me so happy. I cannot imagine not having another baby. But I cannot imagine having enough patience to mother four kids. As I tell Jon, I don't know if there is enough Melinda to meet the needs of everyone in the house as it is, never mind adding another (very needy at first) human being to the mix.

Then of course we come to the financial aspect. For me having either Jon or I at home while the kids are young is important. If we have a fourth I don't know if this is something we can afford. And Jon and I don't want to have a fourth just to find out I now need to work full time. Add in the fact that I am thinking heavily about homeschooling and you take away my possible full time income. How does a fourth child factor in?

There is the health issue as well. I have dealt with gestational diabetes three times. All three babies were healthy and I was fine as well. But it is a factor in having a fourth. What effect will having gd four times have on my body? I lost an additional 15 pounds after Ben, will that help me NOT to develop it this time? And there is also the postpartum depression factor. I am doing okay, but I get overwhelmed very easily these days. How would a fourth baby effect that? How would I be as a mother?

Jon and I have discussed the possibilities. We have weighted the pros and the cons. And what it boils down to is wait and see. We have the age factor on our side. I just turned 31 and Jon will be 32 this summer. Yes our other children are spaced 2 years apart each time, but there is no reason we can't wait an extra 6 months or a year this time and have a larger space between Ben and the next child. It would make me 33 when the next child is born rather than 32, not a huge difference in the scheme of things.

It is a lot to think about. And I think a lot. Too much sometimes. I am trying to be more about the now and less about planning (not too much less mind you). But sometimes getting it out helps. And it did. I didn't resolve anything through this post. But I organized my thoughts a little. And I am giving myself permission to just take time. And enjoy my baby now and worry about possible future babies tomorrow, or the next day.

Anyone who has thoughts, advice or experience please share with me!

Things I wish I knew...

I wish someone had sat me down and told me what life would be like as a stay at home mom. I remember sitting and watching a mom walk her baby while at work one day and wishing that was me. A year later it was. But I never thought about what the change from being a working wife to being a stay at home mom and wife.

I never thought about the change from working full time to being a mom full time. I wish someone had told me that it isn't always an easy transition, no matter how much you want it. And that it is okay to be sad for your old life as well as happy with your new life.

I wish someone had told me that it doesn't always take three months to get pregnant. Sometimes it happens a LOT quicker. Luckily we learned after Madeline was born and adjusted our planning schedule for Owen and Ben.

I wish someone had told me how much my relationhip with my husband would change. I love him more now that I did when we were married. No one warned be about that. And no one warned me that having a child could put a strain on us as we navigated the waters of becoming parents. We are stronger for it, but knowing beforehand would have been helpful!

I wish someone had told me what post partum depression was. This is something no one likes to talk about. I am guilty of this as well. It took 6 months before I realized that I needed to get help dealing with it and that it was okay to ask for help.

I wish someone had told me that my body would go haywire and I would develop gestational diabetes. I never knew it was even possible to develop diabetes for only the time of being pregnant until it happened to me. Three times. And by the way, telling a gestational diabetic that it could be worse it NOT helpful!

I wish someone had told me that breast feeding HURTS! It is so worthwhile and special and I truly enjoy it AFTER the first two weeks are over.

I wish someone had told me how happy and sad I would be at the same time as my children get older. Yes they warn you that time goes by quickly. But no one warned me that while I would be happy to see my children reach new milestones that I would also be sad that they will never be babies again. (It becomes clearer why I have three kids now doesn't it)

I wish someone had told me that I would worry a LOT more.

I wish someone had told me how many changes I would want to make to my life after having kids- dietary, exercise, where I live- all for my children not for me.

I wish someone had told me how hard it is to adapt to my new body. Bigger breasts, flabby tummy, extra weight. It is all worth it- my three kids are worth a whole lot more- but a warning would have been nice!

I love being a mom. It is the best job I have ever had. But why aren't we more honest about it?

What do you wish someone had told you before you became a mom?

A Christmas Balance

I have read several different blogs where the parents are not teaching their kids about Santa Claus. I admit they all have valid reasons, but honestly I just dont get how it is harmful. Until I read blogs I never even knew that people didn't think teaching their kids about Santa was a good idea.

I grew up believing in Santa. I was not traumatized at all when I learned that he isn't real. I didn't feel like my parents had lied to me or deceived me in any way. I was actually pretty irritated with my brother because he was younger than me and had decided that Santa wasn't real. As the older sister I had no choice but to agree with him or look like a baby in his eyes (which honestly was VERY important at the time!). But I was upset because I wanted to still believe, not because I felt like I had been lied too.

I do admit to not growing up in the most religious household. My parents are not atheisist, my mom was raised Catholic (although my dad is more agnostic), but they did not honestly focus on Jesus' birth as the reason for the holiday. I *knew* the reason, that much was taught to me. And I knew Christmas was about giving and doing kind things for others, not simply about the list I could write to Santa. But we didn't attend church or set up a nativity in our house (although the nativity came when I was older). I went to CCD and learned about the season, but it wasn't until I taught first grade at a Catholic school that I really taught myself the real meaning of the season and thought about it and concentrated on it. So I am trying to do better with my kids. I am NOT saying my parents did a bad job, not at all! But I want my kids to have religion talked about at home as well as at CCD (and this year at school for Madeline).

I guess my point is that I believe you can honestly have a happy balance of the Christ in Christmas and the Santa in Christmas. I don't think it is an either/or decision. I don't think that my kids will grow up with less respect and knowledge for the season because I allowed (okay, honestly I encourage) their belief in Santa. It is magical and I don't want to take that away from my kids. I do not fear that they will be traumatized when they are older. My only fear is that when they get older Madeline will not allow Ben to believe when she learns the truth. I am hopeful we can teach her to allow him the same magic that she had.

But I am also trying very hard to teach them about the real meaning of the season. And that is one reason we do daily advent activities. We don't read from the bible each day, but many of our activities are about giving to others (making cookies to share with others, making ornaments as gifts, making bird feeders to put outside, donating toys for kids who do not have as much as we do, putting money into the Salvation Army bucket outside the store) and learning about the reason for the season (reading the nativity story, going to A Night in Bethlemham at our parish, attending church as a family, going to Madeline's scholl Christmas show- an actual Christmas show as she is in a Catholic school for this year at least).

There is the chance that I am wrong. I get that. But in everything I do with my kids, although I try my hardest, there is the chance that I will be wrong. That is part of being a parent. But after reading what others have to say (and it is interesting and made me think hard about the choices Jon and I make) I can honestly say I think I can allow my kids to have Santa in their lives and still teach them the real meaning of the season.

What do you think?

Working

I work part time. Not working is not an option with our budget. Jon is a teacher and their salary is not enough for a family of five to survive on unless we go on government assistance. That is not an acceptable option for us. So I work 10 hours a week tutoring.

The tutoring itself was great. I started this job as a reading tutor working with college students. With the new director we have broadened my job to include writing as well. I do not like to correct writing papers. It just is not my favorite thing to do. But I would be okay with it if it wasn't the only thing I was doign at work and if I were actually doing what I was hired to do and that is to help students with reading. But I'm not becuase my appointments keep going to students who need help with writing.

I don't love working on writing but I am getting more comfortable with it. And I don't hate it as much as I did in the beginning. And I am getting better at it. So there is an upside to this change in my job. But I spend at least 9 or my 10 work hours on writing. And that isn't what I took the job for. Added to that I drive 40 minutes each way to work which adds time away from my family.

However I need to bring in some income (as small as it is) or Jon would need to get a part time jon in addition to his full time job which is just not an option for us. So I am trying to think of things I can do besides tutor at a college. I have waitressed and could go back to that. It is a flexible schedule and I could work only at night which means I don't need to leave until Jon gets home. I have applied for several college level teaching positions and am hopeful that I will find a job as an adjunct faculty member at a local community college. I have thought about tutoring elementary and middle school students but the hours are not conducive to my goal of not having my kid in daycare. Jon can't get home early enough for me to clock enough hours tutoring to earn the income I need.

What I really want is to find something I can do from home to earn an income. And I am drawing a blank. I am not creative or crafty. I can come up with ideas for activities with kids but they are nothing compared to what I see on other blogs and websites. I would love to do soemthing with etsy but I cannot sew or knit or crochet or paint. So that clearly is not an option!

In the end I have a job doing something related to my degree. For the most part it is a good job. I enjoy working with college students which is a surprise and nothing I ever imagined myself doing. I like my coworkers. My job is flexible- I make my hours each semseter around my life and as long as my hours are during the open hours of the center everyone is happy. Yet I am still looking for a way to change my job. I am not being constructive with this post, but sometimes just writing it all down can help me. And rereading all the positives of my job definatly makes me realize I should be a lot more grateful than I am at the moment.

Luckily colleges are on winter break starting next week which leaves me with the next month off. Hopefully that will give me a break that I need and I can return to work at the en of January with a much more positive attitude.

Blog Hop

This week I am linking up with Follow Me Wednesday at 3 four and under. If you are visiting from the blog hop Welcome!

I have been spending some time today catching up on reading blogs because lately there doesn't seem to be enough hours in a day. I am finding so many great homemade ideas and I wish I had more time to make them all. You would think with Madeline in school two days a week I would find the time, or at least I thought I would have more time but (for me at least) this is not true! I have time to get to my "have to" part of the list, but the things that I just want to do keep getting postponed. I am trying to get more organized in my days, but with an four month old who keeps changing his schedule it isn't easy!

How do you find time to get things done that you want to do, not just the "have to's"?

Just a stay at home mom?

"So you're JUST a stay at home mom?"

Yes I am a mom who stays at home. But I don't know about the "just" part of it.

Do you know what I do as a stay at home mom? I am the family accountant, baker, grocer, chauffeur, activities planner, chef, house cleaner and organizer. I wear many hats, mom being just one of them.

I sweep, vacuum, wash floors, dust, wash windows (okay this is something I put off a lot), scrub the toilet, wash the shower, wash and fold the laundry, wash the diapers, make the beds, pick up the toys, take out the trash (Jon does share this chore with me) and find lost toys and puzzle pieces.

I plan arts and crafts projects, read books, monitor television viewing, build block towers, make cars go vroom vroom, cook marvelous pretend meals and make wonderful play dough creations. I have conversations with my kids where they build their vocabulary in natural ways. I teach letters and their sounds, as well as numbers and how to count. I also spend time finding new activities to plan and do with my kids.

I grocery shop, meal plan, bake (sometimes with the kids) clip coupons, pack Madeline's school lunches and cook our meals.

I go to the bank when needed. I pay the bills and balance the checking account. Our lights are always on when we need them and the heat always works. I make lists of repairs that need to be made and either pass the list along to Jon or call the repairman when needed.

I make boo-boos go away with a kiss (mommy magic!). I take temperatures, apply band aids and administer medicine. When it is needed I also clean up vomit (admittedly not my favorite part of the job).

I am a taxi driver. We go to the library, school, the museum, the doctors office, friends houses for playgroups, the dentists office, the park, the zoo, the pond to feed the ducks, and to the store.

I don't do it all alone. I have a wonderful husband who helps out with this when he is home. But he works 40-50 hours outside of the home each week.


I am a mom. I stay at home. I take care of my family. And I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

Struggling

I have written about my struggles with post partum depression before. Some weeks are much better than others. This week is not turning out to be one of the easier weeks. Things that are not usually difficult are seeing almost impossible. Things that would normally bug me, but I could brush them off, they are sticking with me like glue and dragging me down.

I am working to let go. I am trying to take it one day (sometimes one hour) at a time. And it is helping. But it means cutting back on some things. So I am taking a small blogging break. I will be back in a couple of weeks. But right now I need time to settle into new routines and figure out time management again. I need to spend time with my kids and enjoy my life.

I also need to reprioritize some things in my life. I may need to let go of some commitments I have made. But I need to think about it.

I need to try and get through this without medication, and I know that I may need it in the end. However I need to try some other things first. Hopefully taking some down time will work.

I'll be back soon!

Independance

I am really frusterated with people telling me that my four year old needs to learn independance. Especially when it involves her crying as I leave her at school.

I get that she needs to learn to be away from mommy. I know that and I am not fighting that (well maybe a tad bit, she is my oldest baby after all...). But what does independance really mean? Does it mean she must survive and like preschool two full days a week? Or does it mean that she needs to be able to do things on her own (like tie her shoelaces, use the bathroom, get dressed) and make decisions that are age appropriate? And how does going to school make her independant? Does that mean if I chose to homeschool I am raising children who will not be independant?

I really thought I was okay with preschool this year. I am sad that my oldest baby is old enough for school. But I thought this will be good for her and I. But when I drop her off and she is sad and is crying to see me go how is that good? I know what some will say- she is fine when I leave, she will get used to it, changes are hard for everyone...yada yada yada. And much of this is from moms who have gone through this themselves. And I am not saying they are wrong. And I start to agree. And I remind myself this has only been three days of school.

And then I start to think what would happen if I homeschooled her? Would that be bad? And then I start to think I could never in a million years teach her while I have a newborn and a 2 year old at home as well. Last year was a struggle at times and that was only with one other child! But I won't lie, there is a part of me that really wants to homeschool. And everytime
I read a blog about a mom who homeschools I am a little jealous. I don't get jealous of moms who have all their kids in school...well okay occasionally I think how wonderful a few hours of kid free time would be.

I am trying to figure out what that means for me. And how my wants effect my family. And if I would be selfish if I pushed for homeschooling. I won't lie, Jon does not support the idea. I used to agree with his main reason- socialization. But I feel like I can overcome that. We also agree that for the most part public schools work. But I am not fully convinced they are the right thing. I would love to send my kids to Catholic schools but I can't afford it.

I am at loose ends right now and the worst part is that I can't trust myself to know that I want this for the right reasons.

Can you tell I am a bit mixed up?

Labor Day Labor Story

Amy at The Finer Things in Life was planning to host a labor day labor story link up. Her new little one came a little early and she is very busy right now. Life with three is super busy for me but I figured if she had time to write about her birth story less than a week after it happened then I could get to mine! I wanted to share my most recent labor story.



My first labor was 7 hours long, my second was 3 1/2 hours long. I wasn't sure what would happen this time.



Benjamin was due on June 25. Madeline has come on her due date and Owen was a week early, so I was hopeful that Benjamin would be on time, if not early. Due to my gestational diabetes I would not be allowed to go much past my due date. With the threat of induction looming I was crossing my fingers and walking a lot! Jon's birthday is June 16 and he was hopeful that he would not share it with our new little one....



On June 16th I woke up feeling fine. I took the kids out on some errands and out to play. I decided to add in a lunch at McDonalds for a small treat. I knew it was going to be a longer day since Jon had a job interview after work and would be home late. And I also knew with a new little one coming we wouldn't be able to do things like this again for awhile. It was a rainy day so we ate and then headed to the indoor play area for some running before going home for nap time.



Jon got home that evening and we had dinner. I had make chicken parmesian because it is his favorite and it was his birthday. I was feeling fine, no more braxton hicks than normal and no signs of labor. I cleaned up from dinner while Jon get the bath started and I had my first contraction. This was at 7 pm. I didn't believe it was real labor. I never do, maybe I will learn one day. I jokelingly asked Jon if he minded sharing his birthday. He asked me if I was serious and when I said I didn't know he told me yes I did, I don't have false labor. He decided to hurry the kids through their bath. I started pacing, unable to settle, and drank a LOT of water (which I later regretted) trying to determine if it was real or false. Three contratractions and 15 minutes later I knew it was real.

So Jon called my mom's cell phone. No answer. Okay, no big deal, she doesn't always have it on her at home. So he calls the house phone. No answer. We can still call my dad's cell phone, but at this point Jon is starting to think up a backup plan just in case. Luckily my dad answered. He and my mom were just pulling into their driveway. After Owen's birth we knew I could go quickly and it had been 20 minutes already so my dad got out to take care of their dogs and my mom drove over to our house. The live about 15 minutes away.

By this time I had called the doctor's calling service and had talked to the doctor on call (not my ob, but the same one who had delivered both Madeline and Owen, talk about coincidence). After being reminded this was my third and hearing that contractions were already five minutes apart I was told to head in.

My mom arrived, we took a carseat out of our car for her and we left. By the time we got to the hospital it was 8 and I had been in labor for 1 hour. The contractions were getting worse and back labor was starting, but they were still 5 minutes apart so I had some rest. We checked in and were sent in to be checked by a nurse before being admitted. I was given a gown and told to get changed. I needed to use the restroom (remember all the water I drank when I wasn't sure it was real labor? ) and then the nurse came in. She was asking all the normal questions kinda slowly then heard me have a contraction and things started to speed up. I was hooked up to a monitor (I hate this part becuase once I am hooked they won't unhook me!) and my iv was started (thank you group B strep). At this point I had not discounted an epidural (I had one with both #1 and #2) but I wasn't sure yet. I was checked and told I was 7cm. I was kind of disspointed. And before you yell at me, when I got the hospital with #2 I was 8.5 cm. So I was hoping for that again.

They wheeled me upstairs and I was left to labor. It was about 8:30 at this point. I was still having 2-3 minutes between contractions and my water had not yet broken. About an forty five minutes later I felt a lot of pressure. They checked me but I wasn't quite 10 so I was told to wait a while longer. They changed the bed so I could sit up which helped a LOT. I chose not to get the epidural because I thought I could make it.

30 minutes later my water broke. Jon called the nurses and they came in. I was ready to push but they told me to wait. WHAT!?!?! They wanted to change my gown. They said I would feel better. I said get the baby out of me and I will feel better. They also wanted to check me. My contractions were on top of each other at this point and I was ready. They were having trouble finding the doctor so a resident checked me. At this point all I wanted to do was push and I hated being told to wait.

Yup I was 10 and ready. 15 minutes later Benjamin was born. He was Benjamin as soon as I saw him, it was the name that fit. He was 7 lbs and 15.5 ounces. Three hours and fiftenn minutes after my first contraction. And he shares his daddy's birthday which Jon now thinks is awesome!

As soon as I was cleaned (no stitches!) I was nursing Benjamin. Then I was drinking my first real pepsi in 9 monhts. No more counting carbs or cutting sugar for me!

Benjamin was my quickest labor. If we have a fourth (still undecided) I worry and wonder about how quick it will be.

The first day of school

We started with a pancake breakfast and little brother had some too.

Then it was photo time. Jon was already at work (his first day too!) and Nana tok a picture for us.

Aren't I cute? Yes Madeline is wearing a uniform. We chose a Catholic School for her for Pre-K and they have all the kids wear uniforms.

Coloring at school. This week's color is red.



There were no tears from Madeline. I admit I cried a little on my way home. But I had a super busy day planned so it helped the day go by. She is only going two days a week (full day though) so she doesn't go back until Tuesday.

Homemade Wipes

I have been wanting to make my own wipes for a while. We use cloth diapers 90% of the time but have been using disposable wipes all along. I ahve read about cloth wipes and looked into buying them, but they are not cheap. And I wasn't sure I would like them.


Then someone suggested making my own out of fabric. I wanted to do something a little easier. One day I was in the dollar store and found baby washclothes in packs of 4 for $1 each! To make my wipes I bought 7 packs and then scrounged around the house for any other other baby washclothes that were old and stained (becuase they were just going to get stained anyway!). I ended up with a total of 40 (old and new). I then found two plastic containers from dispoable wipes. I made a liquid solution of 2 cups of water, 2 tablespoons of baby shampoo and 2 tablespoons of olive oil for each contianer. I added the washclothes and now I have wipes! They worked really well, but I didn't love the smell with the olive oil. After we finished one set I made a new solution using only water and shampoo and I like it much better. I may try adding baby oil (to keep from drying out Ben and Owen's skin) but I am not sure.


The total cost for my wipes to start up was less than $10. A box of wipes costs me $11 and we go through one every two months, sometimes quicker. To refill the solution each time will cost less than 50 cents, so I am saving over $50 a year by doing this. And since I wash my diapers I just throw the wipes in the diaper pail with the diapers. It is really easy and quick. I am being less wasteful and it costs less as well.


I will still use disposable wipes when traveling for now, but I hope to figure out a way to bring the wet cloth wipes with me.