Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Trying to do it all

It has been one of those days where I try to cram everything in even though I know deep down I cannot keep up.

I keep forgetting what 7 months pregnant is like. I swear I was at it full tilt until Owen was born and I know I worked full time until five days before Madeline was born. But with this one? I can barely work up the energy to sweep the kitchen some days. But does that stop me from planning on doing things? Or keep me from volunteering to cook Easter dinner? NO. And maybe I was more energetic with my first two pregnancies but I was younger (not that I am ancient by any means, but 4 years and two kids is 4 years and two kids...). Or maybe I choose to forget the aches and pains and the exhaustion so that I will try it all again.

I am sitting here right now putting off making dinner for tonight, cleaning the bathroom, getting an art project ready for the kids, making a list for the store tonight and checking on Owen to see why for the love of everything that is good won't the boy sleep because I pushed myself too much this morning and it pains me to walk. Literally, walking and standing are excruciating at the moment. I have a list a mile long of things that need to be done in the next few days, and even more immediatly this afternoon, that just won't happen unless this pain goes away. And it is my own fault.

I was in a lot of pain from falling on Sunday and Monday morning it didn't get much better. Luckily even though I had to work on Monday it was a quiet evening and I was able to just sit for four hours. By yesterday morning I was better. The pain was pretty much gone. Then for whatever reason I sat on one of our barstools last night to work on the computer for about 45 minutes. When I got down I could barely walk again. And woke up this morning feeling not much better.

Well what did I do today? I did all my normal chores (sweep, vaccuum, feed kids, empty dishwasher, letter and number time with Madeline) then took Madeline to the dentist where I proceeded to carry Owen because he wanted to be carried. We went to the grocery store and the dollar store and then came home. Did I rest then? No, I got ready for a playgroup I was hosting for 8 moms and 13 kids. I made 4 boxes of mac and cheese and got plates and stuff out. When people got here I did not sit, no I stood for the next 2 hours talking to friends. Why? Who knows!

So now it is 3 and I am dead tired. I have no one to blame but myself. Some of the things I did today were necessity- dentist, feed the kids, feed the dog, etc. But I could have cancelled the playgroup (heck I didn't even have to host in the first place.) I could have put off the store, I could have left the dishes for Jon to empty, he would have understood.

And will I stop now? Of course not. In about five minutes I will be washing dishes from lunch and making dinner plans.

I am not whining, or saying poor me. I make the choice to do a lot of things that are not necessary when I am not feeling well. I am just writing it all down to hopefully figure out why I do it. Am I the only one who thinks I can do everything? I know there are other mothesr like me who take on to much, don't say no when they can, don't want to have people help them. I HATE when poeple offer help because I am pregnant. I don't know why, I just want to be able to do it all.

Why am I like this? Maybe one of these days I will figure it all out.

I am off to do it all, and hopefully I'll still be able to walk tomorrow.

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