I am really frusterated with people telling me that my four year old needs to learn independance. Especially when it involves her crying as I leave her at school.
I get that she needs to learn to be away from mommy. I know that and I am not fighting that (well maybe a tad bit, she is my oldest baby after all...). But what does independance really mean? Does it mean she must survive and like preschool two full days a week? Or does it mean that she needs to be able to do things on her own (like tie her shoelaces, use the bathroom, get dressed) and make decisions that are age appropriate? And how does going to school make her independant? Does that mean if I chose to homeschool I am raising children who will not be independant?
I really thought I was okay with preschool this year. I am sad that my oldest baby is old enough for school. But I thought this will be good for her and I. But when I drop her off and she is sad and is crying to see me go how is that good? I know what some will say- she is fine when I leave, she will get used to it, changes are hard for everyone...yada yada yada. And much of this is from moms who have gone through this themselves. And I am not saying they are wrong. And I start to agree. And I remind myself this has only been three days of school.
And then I start to think what would happen if I homeschooled her? Would that be bad? And then I start to think I could never in a million years teach her while I have a newborn and a 2 year old at home as well. Last year was a struggle at times and that was only with one other child! But I won't lie, there is a part of me that really wants to homeschool. And everytime
I read a blog about a mom who homeschools I am a little jealous. I don't get jealous of moms who have all their kids in school...well okay occasionally I think how wonderful a few hours of kid free time would be.
I am trying to figure out what that means for me. And how my wants effect my family. And if I would be selfish if I pushed for homeschooling. I won't lie, Jon does not support the idea. I used to agree with his main reason- socialization. But I feel like I can overcome that. We also agree that for the most part public schools work. But I am not fully convinced they are the right thing. I would love to send my kids to Catholic schools but I can't afford it.
I am at loose ends right now and the worst part is that I can't trust myself to know that I want this for the right reasons.
Can you tell I am a bit mixed up?